Dear Strong Willed Child of Mine.
We have had many battles you and I. We’ve had battles in the sun, in the store, at home, the park, battles over what shoes to wear, and a battle where I walked you screaming and kicking back to the house. You were red and fuming, I fought back tears. We’ve had thousands of battles you and I.
Today our battles are about little kid things, someday they might be about curfew or boys or doing the dishes.
No matter what, here’s what I want you to know:
We are not defined by these battles. We are not defined by the storms, we are defined by the times I hold you tight and by the I love you’s and the kisses. We aren’t defined by hard days or hard moments, we are defined by the fact that I love you and I will never stop. We are defined by the truth that I will never ever give up on, or grow tired of you.
Those moments though they’re hard and unnerving, there’s no where I’d rather be.
Yes, sometimes inside I’m fuming. I wonder how it is possible we’ve done this this so many times before. I’m embarrassed, I’m tired, and I wonder if I were better at being your mom if we wouldn’t have blow ups like this or you throwing yourself to the flow, kicking it and sometimes even banging your head on it.
Sometimes I simply wilt under the disapproving glances of strangers.
In my heart though? I’d do it all a million times again, my dear. I’d carry you up a hundred more flights of stairs while you’re kicking and screaming and I’d abandon a thousand more carts in Target to take you to the car.
A lot of the time I’m stuck in now, I just want you to hold my hand to cross the street and say “okay Mama” when I say no. Sometimes I’m simply too tired and worn out to remember my joy.
I like you; I like your strong will. It will pay off for when you are older, you will be very independent.
We have all the time in the world to figure that out.
Some people might call you hard or difficult (I do too sometimes). Some people might wonder where I find my grace every day…but they don’t see what I see. They don’t know that out of sea of well behaved children I’d choose you again and again and again.
After a tantrum I hold you. We snuggle in your bed and you ask me to sing a song. I breath deep because you smell like sunshine. You’re worth every single battle today, and every single one tomorrow.
Love you to the moon and back!