The Blame Game, How to Deal with the Self-Guilt of Parenting

The owner(s) of this blog is not compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog owners. If we claim or appear to be experts on a certain topic or product or service area, we will only endorse products or services that we believe, based on our expertise, are worthy of such endorsement. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. This blog does not contain any content which might present a conflict of interest. The owner(s) of this blog is not compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog owners. If we claim or appear to be experts on a certain topic or product or service area, we will only endorse products or services that we believe, based on our expertise, are worthy of such endorsement. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider.

images

I think, one of the main reasons I felt guilt and personal responsibility for causing Andrew’s autism or at least contributing to it; there are so many unknown reasons as to what causes autism that I looked for something concrete. Even if that meant blaming myself. If I could at least put some sort of name, some sort of anything to help me cope and deal… even if there’s nothing that I can do about it now.

Until there are more known answers, maybe after genetic testing to rule out other causes, or brain scans; anything that might help me understand. But, at the same time, I’ve had to come to an acceptance.

I’ve gotten better with managing my personal guilt regarding my son’s autism.

Though, as I said, there are still times where it hits me again. There are no particular triggers, no rhyme or reason, I could just be looking at him or thinking about something that he’s done that day. Or, I could be watching ‘typical’ kids playing and come to the realization that he may or may not have those opportunities.  Or, I could be watching my youngest reach her next big milestone or listen to her talk in complete sentences and then the guilt will start to creep in.

Focusing on his positives and celebrating the strengths that he does have or the things that he can do have helped me immensely in dealing with my personal guilt. Still, I think that I’ll always feel some sort of responsibility for his autism because he’s my son.  At least until I can get definitive answers to the root of what caused his autism, that guilt will always stay with me.

Coming to terms with my son’s diagnosis took time. Coming to terms with my personal guilt, also took time. But, once I was able to do that, I was also able to help my son more.

As parents, we just want what’s best for our children. I’m NOT A PERFECT PARENT, far from it. And once I was able to come to terms with my guilt and ended my personal blame game, I could focus on being the mom that I needed to be, and that Andrew needed me to be. It’s still there, not as strong as it used to be, but it is still there. Sometimes I think parental guilt is just one of those things that we face as a parent of an autistic child.

fault

 

 

 

 

  One thought on “The Blame Game, How to Deal with the Self-Guilt of Parenting

  1. Ronald J Wegrzyn
    July 21, 2018 at 12:02 am

    Don’t kid yourself or blame yourself you are best Mother your children could ever have. Dad

  2. July 21, 2018 at 2:42 pm

    Merri, you should never blame yourself or Andy.you are a good mother. Things migrate you, but that is only natural. Look into today only, tomarrow will take care of itself. This could have been much worst, but we all love him and need to show him everyone is different. We all have our own personalities, some people will always have something to say because that is how this crazy world is. Take a deep breath and take one moment at a time. Like the puzzle, it will all come together. Each child is different, if not we’d be a bunch of androids look alike, think a lot and expected to act alike. Andre is your son. He can walk, talk, think, and put things together when given a chance. Everyday will be diferent,d but that goes for any child. They have parts of them that are like little angels, another side of them that gets them in trouble. That’s where you come in. When you correct him or even Arwyn you are teaching them life lessons and this something only you and Andy can do. The best feeling he could have I security. He knows you love him because you correct him. He will understand this as he grows. You are there for the good and bad. You don’t throw out the baby with the bath water.Hang in there. There is a higher power giving you what you need for that day.I love you and her proud of you for all you do. You truly make your house a home. People do watch you and admire you for how you handle yourself. You have helped many people through your writing. It takes them out of their problem even if it’s for a little while. They say if she can do it, we can. Hold your head up high. We all have days that we wish we could do over.always look ahead and don’t ask why.Andrew is truly what you call him the Chinese Dennis the menes.M he’s one of a kind. I love you and my love is as strong as yours is for your children, never forget that.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: